giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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