If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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