I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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