Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
