I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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