listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
