just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
