I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
