I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
