I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
