hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I want to have your abortion
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
