I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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