Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
