The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
