he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
