does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
