i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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