this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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