In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
