I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
