He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
