You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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