It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
