Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
