I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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