You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
