i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Found the puke drawer
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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