Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
All I want is dick and wine.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
