We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
