Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
