Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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