i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
