Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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