i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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