when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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