Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Randomize
