if you like me you must not know who I am
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
