Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
