if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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