Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
