Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
