I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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