Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
