I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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