Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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