conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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