my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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