just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
