I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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