Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
