i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Randomize
