I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
