I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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