he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
