The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
