She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
