Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize