its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
