2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
