I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize