wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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