dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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